


Decide

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Decisions, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Nervousness, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-12 12:14:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15995000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: Two weeks after Negan confesses his feelings in the most blunt way possible, Rick finds himself at a crossroads.





	1. New Jeans

**Author's Note:**

> I LIVE FOR PRISON NEGAN (for comic! negan & tv! negan) 
> 
> anyways before i ramble i want to say these will be ficlet length chapters (i want to try a new thing) so please enjoy! i almost wrote a one shot but i can't help myself.

_"You're not saving the world. You're just gettin' it ready for me."_

 

_"You'll let me out eventually."_

 

_"I think I fucking love you. How pathetic is that?"_

 

Those were three sentences that cut Rick deep. Only because they happened to be true. Rick knew in a way that Negan wouldn't stay locked up forever. As for Negan's feelings, those became more obvious over time. Even before the end of the war they had an unspoken thing. Those thoughts burrowed into Rick's mind so there was no avoiding them. Sometimes he'd feel sick thinking about Negan touching him tenderly. Where as other moments it felt like fire burning inside him. The type you can't put out all that easily.

 

  
Rick felt his lunch coming up and suddenly found himself spewing it all over the grass. He managed to not drop Negan's lunch on the ground. Though puking up his ham sandwich and tea wasn't exactly pleasant. Especially considering the reason he did in the first place.

 

  
It was almost worse than the time he had experienced a major stomach ache on a run. He almost shit himself. When Jadis noticed his discomfort at the time she helped him. Apparently she always brought diarrhea pills with her on runs. Due to some incident that Rick didn't want to hear about.

 

  
Two weeks had gone by since Negan's love confession. Two weeks of Rick not being able to look him in the eyes. Then Negan went ahead and presumed he wasn't into men. That maybe he read between the lines too much. Which couldn't be more inaccurate. He always knew about his bisexuality, even Lori knew subtly about it. He hated thinking about it but he had feelings for Shane. Of course he always loved Lori but that didn't erase those lingering feelings. After he killed Shane and after Lori died, he never had time to think seriously about men or women. Then he ended up with Michonne.

 

  
He unlocked the door that lead down to the cell. The tray almost dropped but Rick managed to keep his hand steady. As he made his way down the stairs he kept thinking about Negan's hands. _His hands are big, I wonder how they'd feel around my..._

 

  
"I wonder who's coming down those steps to see lil ole' me. " Negan called out with his raspy voice. The state of his voice always reminded Rick that he caused that. Something that was necessary even bothered him now.

 

  
Rick rolled his eyes much like Carl does. "You know it's me, Negan. I'm usually the one who brings you lunch majority of the time. Hope you're lookin' forward to a ham n' egg sandwich..again. I would make you somethin' else but my cookin' is just..well you know."

 

  
When Negan didn't make some asshole remark about his cooking skills, he something was off. Rick checked to see if he had snot coming out of his nose. It wasn't that. Or if his fly was undone but it wasn't that either. Maybe it was his jeans. His jeans were new because the old ones had to go. Michonne actually forced him to throw them out before she left on her trip. Their relationship experienced a massive change over the past year. It resulted in them breaking up but still seeing each other occasionally.The change in their relationship made it easier to discuss Negan. She told him to follow what he felt was best, that he had to trust his gut.

 

  
He cleared his throat to see if Negan would stop staring but he didn't.  Rick felt self conscious because he used to his tattered up grey jeans. Now he was wearing black jeans again and they were pretty tight. 

 

  
"What is it? Why are you staring?"

 

  
"Are those jeans news? They sure look like it and they're extra tight."

 

  
Rick tried to pretend he wasn't affected by Negan's words. "Oh yeah? Why is that making you stare?"

 

  
"Well for one thing they hug tight to those thighs of yours. And I was just picturing how your ass looks in 'em. Probably all juicy, just waiting to be grabbed." Negan licked his lips and leaned forward on his bed. "What I wouldn't do to get a handful."

 

  
Stupidly Rick felt himself let go of the tray out of shock and everything dropped to the floor. The sandwich he made Negan was now ruined.

 

  
"Christ." Rick bent over to pick everything up then noticed Negan was staring. "That's enough!"

 

  
"I didn't make you all flustered now did I, sheriff? That's right, Carl told me what you were before the world went to shit. He's told me a lot during our little talks. Even let a few small details slip like your favorite ice cream flavor. I know it must be frustrating that I know more 'bout you than you do about me."

 

  
"I'll get you a new sandwich and send Carl down with it. I got things to do today."

 

  
Rick couldn't look at Negan whatsoever, he just turned around and started walking away. He heard Negan making some sexual noise which made his skin prickle. _Bastard._


	2. Go for It or Don't

Discussing Negan with Arat may have been an unwise decision. Of course Rick didn't have anything against Arat but she didn't take a subtle approach. Not often anyways. That happened to be apart of what Rick came to admire about her. How she carried herself and was confident. Similar to Negan's brand of confidence, despite that even ebing tainted with insecurity and self hate.

 

  
Rick twiddled his thumbs as he waited for Arat to say something to him. She seemed overly contemplative about his dilemma and it made Rick self conscious. Confidence never was a thing that Rick exhibited all that often. When he was with Lori his confidence dwindled because of their marital problems. Neither of them was solely to blame though. Then when he was with Michonne felt more sure of himself. She brought a spark out of Rick that he never thought he had.

 

  
With Negan it was a different ball park. It felt like he was constantly unraveling like a ball of yarn. And the scary part was that they weren't together. Neither of them really knew what it was like to have each other. So how could it feel so intense?

 

  
The sound of an incredibly deep sigh made Rick come out of his own head. Arat was still standing there with two hands on her hips. Suddenly Laura came into the tent with a sandwich in hand and an interested look on her face. Clearly she was wondering why Rick was having a private conversation with he girlfriend. Not that they were having an affair, Arat was a lesbian after all, it was just that Rick and Arat never talked much.

 

  
Arat mouthed 'Negan' to Laura who continued to look at them both strangely. After a moment she put two and two together then smiled wickedly.

 

  
_Please don't comment._

 

  
"So lemme guess, you want to fuck Negan and need advice from my girl?" Laura chuckled a little bit. "That's hilarious. I mean almost everyone knows he has a thing for you."

 

  
Embarrassment crawled all over Rick, it made him want to run out of the tent and say fuck it. Getting advice from Negan's former soldier was probably silly anyways. Talking to Carl would probably have a better outcome.

 

  
Rick rubbed his hand over his face. "I-I don't know what the hell. I'm just tryin' to figure this out and Arat's the only one I could think of. She knows Negan. I woulda asked Michonne but she's on her trip. And Daryl and I are havin' problems."

 

  
"Alright alright, I get it. Well Mr. Indecisive, my advice is you should just be forward. Negan was always like that with the wives and the dudes he fucked. Even though you pretty much neutered him, he'll probably love the shit outta you showin' him your bold side."

 

  
When Rick glanced over to Arat she shrugged at him and said that she was going to say the same.

 

  
"So your advice is I should just go for it? I-I don't know if I can."

 

  
Arat nodded once, "When he was still leader, I had to listen to him talk all the time. He'd talk my damn ear off about you. usually about how much of a prick you were or how uptight you were. I came to the conclusion right away it was more than just irritation."

 

  
"Damn, now I remember D mentioning how much he talked about Rick." Laura smirked like she was remembering a specific conversation.

 

  
Somehow the conversation lead to a place that Rick didn't feel comfortable in. He thanked them for their strange but sort of helpful advice then left. 


	3. Waiting

"My subconscious is a glutton for fucking punishment."

 

  
As if seeing Rick wasn't already heart wrenching enough, Negan had to dream about him too. In fact most of his dreams where he was out of the cell involved Rick. Whether it was Judith and Rick visiting him while he gardened, kissing Rick for the first time or giving him the fuck of his life.

 

  
Negan remembered Lucille discussing 'lucid dreaming' with him. And Negan wished he could lucid dream being with Rick every night. Sure, it was obsessive but that was just Negan. He loved hard and without much apology. Though he was pretty fucking certain that Rick would never reciprocate feelings. He'd probably eat his own shit before he'd ever fuck me or touch me like that.

 

  
He shut his eyes tight trying to force himself to sleep just so he could dream. As surprising as it was, his mind was a better place than reality. Negan would prefer shifting through his mental cobwebs than deal with captivity. Mostly due to the fact that it was boring as fuck and sometimes maddening. His stay in the cell was worse than prison before the apocalypse. Not that he'd been to prison but at least they got to shower, shit in real toilets and get outside time. Where as Negan didn't have the luxury of a toilet when he had explosive diarrhea.

 

  
Mostly everyone in Alexandria wanted him to starve and shit all over himself. Meanwhile Rick made certain none of that ever happened. If it were up to the other communities, he would have been butchered like meat. His head would have ended up on a mantle like a prize possession. The widow would probably get someone to piss on his remains.

 

  
Out of sheer boredom Negan decided to do one thing - jerk off. That's all he fucking could do to pass the time. Unless Rick brought down new books for him to read. Sometimes he was allowed a pen and pad to write. He unzipped his prison outfit and noticed how disgusting he smelled. Negan made a mental note to request a bath later. Instead of wasting time with teasing himself, he went right for the money. When he got his hand into his briefs and touched his bare dick he almost winced. Due to the lack of sex he was even more sensitive. It literally didn't take long for him to get off either and then he was back to being bored again.

 

  
Negan longed for the days where he had his wives and whatever guy that wanted to hop on his dick like a kangaroo.  Those were the fucking days where he was a king, no question about it. Now he was a prisoner of his own making. Rick probably should have killed him after the shit he pulled. Anyone else would have sliced his neck open to the point of no fucking return. 

 

 

During the beginning of his time in the cell he spat the shittiest things at Rick. He would threaten him and threaten to burn Alexandria down again. All of that was just desperation to hurt Rick or to just drive him crazy. Thankfully he never took the bait, at least not that Negan saw, and ignored him. A few months into his prison sentence he realized that Rick had to care just a little. He even analyzed all of their interactions. That spark between them wasn't hate, not completely, it was something deep and profound.

 

  
Then Negan went ahead and fucking told Rick about his feelings. Now Rick was acting weird around him, which Negan knew it was about that.  What else could it fucking be? Nothing else would make him act so awkward. 

 

 

"I'm such a goddamn idiot." Negan screamed in the darkness because no one was going to hear him.


	4. Firm Conclusions

Having Carl explain that he was ready to leave for the Hilltop was unsettling. As a parent he was absolutely mortified with the idea of something terrible happening. Maybe Carl would run into cannibals along the way, maybe he'd get bit and die on the side of the road or maybe he'd be fine. Rick brought Carl in for a hug before explaining that he supported his decision. Not that he was happy about it but supported him anyways. That was the parent he wanted to be for both Judith and Carl.

 

After releasing Carl from the hug that he didn't resist, they spoke about how he'd be an apprentice with Earl and that Maggie was excited for him to live there. Rick could see the light in Carl's eyes as he passionately explained this apprenticeship. That made him proud, despite his parental sadness.

 

Unexpectedly Negan was brought into the conversation by Carl. Apparently he wanted to tell him that he wouldn't be back for a while. Even though he knew they spoke often, it was still interesting to Rick that Carl confided in Negan. Maybe it was easier to speak to someone like him. Someone that wouldn't judge and didn't scold him about his swearing.

 

Rick assured that he would tell Negan that he was for sure moving to the Hilltop. Then Carl gave him a knowing look that caused a nervousness to stir.

 

_What does he know?_

 

  
"Dad you've been acting really weird lately" Carl still had that knowing look on his face. "Does it have to do with Negan? He talks about you a lot. More than before."

 

  
Rick took a deep breath, "What would you do if I..sort of..Christ."

 

  
"If you're gonna say that you have feelings for Negan then I already know. Almost everyone knows. Definitely not a secret, dad."

 

  
Before Rick could open his mouth, Judith came strolling into the kitchen and sat at the table. She had her already filled in coloring book with her.

 

  
Talking about Negan in front of Judith was a lot different than anyone else. All due to the fact that she adored Negan and even called him her best friend a few months ago. Rick had been shocked when he heard her say that initially. She was still quite young plus she had no knowledge of who Negan was. All she knew was that he was locked up for something.

 

  
Her blond hair bounced when she turned to look at both of them. 

 

  
"When will mama be back?" Judith asked out loud, her voice sounding so small.

 

  
"Oh sweet pea, she won't be back for a while yet. I do know for a fact that she'll come straight to you when she does get back."

 

  
"Okay!"

 

  
In hushed voices Carl told Rick that he wasn't upset about the whole Negan thing. He explained that he didn't even hate Negan anymore. That the past was the past now. Rick told Carl that he was so proud of who he was now. Of course Carl told him to stop being sappy.

 

  
Rick told Carl to watch Judith because he had something he had to do. The look on Carl's face made him shake his head. He left the house as fast as he could manage. Running to Negan's cell would make him look frantic and suspicious. No one else needed to know about his feelings. And he was certain not everyone knew in the first place. Maybe those he was closest to.

 

  
A year ago he wouldn't have even welcomed this as a possibility. That somehow he would find himself accepting the feelings he had. While he couldn't say he trusted Negan entirely, he had to get this sorted.

 

  
Once he got to where the cell was housed, he used the key to open the door. Rick almost always kept them on him just in case of an emergency. The door creaked open which revealed the stairs that Rick was sure he'd trip down someday. He entered then shut the door behind him. All he could hear was humming of some song he didn't know. Negan usually talked to himself or sang out loud when he came down.

 

  
Rick got down to the bottom of the stairs, he braced himself for a potentially explosive conversation. The humming stopped when Negan glanced over at him. He was laid out on what he described as 'the most uncomfortable fucking bed ever.'

 

  
"Finally putting me outta my misery?" Negan didn't have any malice or humor in his voice. "Please tell me you are."

 

  
Rick leaned his head to the side, "I don't want to kill you, Negan. That ain't why I'm here right now. We need to talk."

 

  
"Talk about what? Huh? Talk about how I'll sit in here til I rot? No fucking thanks, sheriff."

 

  
"I'm actually here to talk 'bout us or whatever this is. I've had some time to think, even got some advice from your former people and Carl. They helped me come to a firm conclusion."

 

  
"Which is?"

 

  
"That I want you too."


	5. Better Than Good Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, i definitely tried a lot of new things here, which resulted in some asshat questioning whether i wrote this or not. i really enjoyed writing ficlet length chapters since i always get hung up on how much i'm writing. tbh it was the type of exercise i really needed at this point in time. i do a lot of creating outside of fanfic (which includes my own lit journal, publishing my work (art + writing) ect. 
> 
>  
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading & i hope this ending wasn't lackluster or not explosive enough.

_"You belong to me, right?!"_

 

  
Negan remembered saying those words to Rick. He remembered how close to his face he was, how Rick was trembling against his gloved hand and how Rick was absolutely beautiful when he cried. Almost like he unraveled perfectly when the tears started to flow. That to Negan was quite the goddamn sight. Now Rick was standing before him saying the words he'd dreamed about. It felt almost too fucking perfect.

 

  
He maneuvered his body so he was leaning against the cement wall. Every time he looked over at Rick he saw how nervous he was. If this was so fucked up joke then he was one hell of an actor. Negan gestured for Rick to come closer towards the cage. Surprisingly Rick listened to him but still kept his distance to a degree.

 

  
For a few minutes Negan sat there, in complete and utter silence. He wanted Rick to fully understand what those words fucking meant. Last thing Negan really wanted to experience was Rick running away. So he was giving Rick the opportunity to pretend this never happened.

 

  
Negan hummed to calm his own goddamn nerves, he always did that, even when he was a kid. It drove Lucille nuts in the beginning of their relationship. Then she grew used to it and sometimes would get him to hum her to sleep. Usually on those nights where she felt unbelievably sick.

 

  
At least ten minutes passed by when Rick finally asked Negan why he was so quiet. He quirked his eyebrow at the man who seemed even more confused. How fucking clueless was Rick?

 

  
"I'm waiting for you to tuck tail and fucking run. I don't know if you really understand what you're getting yourself into. This is all we'll get. As long as I'm in here you'll be in the goddamn darkness. Figuratively and literally." Negan had a neutral facial expression, just to show Rick he was serious.

 

  
Rick ran a hand through his grey beard, "I don't care. These feelings I have seem to draw me down those damn stairs. Every single time. I don't even need to come down half the time. I could get someone else to do it. But I find myself wanting to. I want to see you."

 

  
"Then open the cage and show me."

 

  
The worry that spread across Rick's face made Negan feel like shit. Killing Rick wouldn't even be satisfying anymore. That wasn't even what he wanted now. The rage and blood lust fell away a long time ago. But instead of running right out of there, Rick took his keys out.

 

  
Negan felt excitement when Rick stepped forwards and put his keys in the lock. When the cage door opened, Rick had his hand on his weapon, indefinitely prepared to hurt him if necessary.

 

  
In the softest voice possible he asked Rick to kiss him. He wanted to beg and plead but looking weak wouldn't help his case. Rick just blinked then sat down on the edge of the bed. Hesitantly Negan reached out and touched Rick's arm. His long fingers were caressing Rick through his beige button up. All he wanted was for Rick to look at him.

 

  
And when he did, it was fucking over.

 

  
Clearly Rick was feeling courageous because he looked at Negan then scooted over. His hand reached out to touch Negan's bearded face. They both inhaled deep and Negan whispered 'kiss me'. Rick got closer and closer until their faces were touching. When he felt Rick's soft lips against his, he almost passed out from how good it felt. The kiss went from soft to overwhelming and soon Rick was in his lap.

 

  
Negan's hands moved towards Rick's ass and squeezed. And when Rick let out a gasp he felt himself get hard as fucking steel. He wanted to take Rick right there. To get his jeans off and fuck up into him. But Rick wasn't ready to go there just yet. That much was obvious. At least that's what Negan thought until Rick got a bit more aggressive.

 

  
"Trying to dominate me, sweetheart?" Negan laughed softly as Rick moved his mouth to his neck. The way he was biting him made him feel like he was on fire.

 

  
Rick's laugh was less soft and more cocky, "We both know that I can."

 

  
The most unexpected thing happened, Rick ended up sliding down so he was straddling his legs. Then he started unzipping his jumpsuit and touching him through his briefs. Negan almost came just from that. How Rick was touching him made him fucking sweat. When his hands actually touched his bare dick, he whined at how fucking amazing it felt. Rick spat in his hand then stroked him faster and faster.

 

  
It was a dream come fucking true to experience this.

 

  
Negan tried to stop himself but he came almost too fucking quick on Rick's hand. Thankfully there was a clean rag on the stack of books in the corner. Rick got off the bed and cleaned his hand off.

 

  
"Shit I didn't expect that at fucking all." Negan smiled at Rick who just shook his head at him. "What?"

 

  
"You've always underestimated me, even before. Truth be told I'm more than just an apparently pretty face."

 

  
"I know you are, believe me, I fucking know. Before you leave can you tell me if you've actually decided? I don't know if I can sit here all fucking night not knowing."

 

  
"Yeah." Rick nodded along as he exited the cell and locked it behind him. "I've decided."

 

  
Negan perked up as if he wasn't worn the fuck out. "And?"

 

  
"I'll see you tomorrow, Negan. That a good enough answer?"

 

  
"Better than good enough." Negan couldn't even hide how he was feeling and just kept grinning. Caged or not, he felt less doomed about his life. Less alone and hopeless. Maybe loving Rick wouldn't destroy him after all.

 


End file.
